15 Impressive Gifts for a Man

15 Impressive Gifts for a Man


1. Bake him his favorite dessert (cookies, brownies, cake etc)

-The key is to find out exactly what his favorite is. If he like chocolate chip, don't make him peanut butter.

2. Vamp up the romance (chocolate dipped strawberries and a bottle of red wine)

-Guys are always the ones with the burden of creating a romantic mood, contribute one time and he will not forget it.

3. Wear his favorite color

-It sounds crazy but men are visual and if he likes white or red then find an awesome dress in that color and work it demurely as if you just happened to accidentally buy it. I knew a guy that loved the 50s pin-up style so if I was his girlfriend (we never dated) I would have sported some polka dots and red lipstick just for him.

4. Shave your legs to perfection

-Exfoliate those babies and get every last stubble. Then slather on you richest lotion, add a touch of baby oil and very casually brush this piece of heaven by his hand or leg. Sometimes the simple things are the best.

5. Apply a shade of red lipstick and leave a big fat kiss mark on his side view mirror

-Every time he changes lanes he will be thinking of you. Make sure that you do it in secret so that he doesn't see you. Say nothing and wait for him to find it to get his reaction. It helps if you have somewhat full lips.

6. Take him to see his favorite sports team

-You may have to plan this one out. If he loves an east-coast team then wait until they play the local team and buy tickets specifically for that game. Impressive gifts sometimes take thought and planning. Men love sports so give the people what they want!

7. Speaking of Sports: Buy him a pint glass with his favorite team logo or mascot

-You can find some amazing things online.

8. The Hobby Gift

-If he loves video games, even if you hate them, buy him one. You may need to recruit my gamer brother for advice on this one. Does he run? New shoes. Golf? Golf balls. Techie? Tech-gadget. It doesn't have to be expensive. This gift says that I am attentive and I support what you do. Think subtle or custom and always unexpected to make this one wow him. Don't wait for a holiday or special occasion. Give it to him on a wednesday. He will love you forever.

9. Picnic

-Packed with ALL his favorite food. This requires extensive investigation. Make sure that if you are making sandwiches that you know what kind of bread and meat he likes. Does he hate mayo and love mustard? The idea is the customize it to him entirely, every detail and every course. Pick a cool spot like the highest point for a great view, the beach or the mountains for a snow picnic! Years later I still have guys raving to me about that picnic I took them on. It's a number one stunner....satisfaction guaranteed.

10. The T-shirt

-Buy a t-shirt and take it to your local printing company. All sports teams and high school cliques use them. Have his last name put across the back like a sports jersey. Find out what his number was in sports without being too obvious about it and put his number under his name. If he plays soccer, put a soccer ball patch on the sleeve etc. This gift is an ego-stoker and let's be honest who doesn't want to feel like they have their own personal fan club from time to time. The reveal moment needs to be really low-key to keep from coming off as creepy. Don't wear it in front of his friends of parents. It should a personal joke between you and him, a cute private moment or in a public setting around strangers that have no clue.

11. Impromptu Present

-This should be something small. I used to stop by the liquor store and pick up a Snickers Ice Cream bar for my boyfriend just because. Sometimes when I made a boyfriend stop endlessly at Starbucks for me, he would wait in the car and I would come back with his favorite....a chocolate chip cookie. The element of surprise is the most important. A random gift is often times more memorable then what you gave them on their birthday when they were expecting to get something. A little treat or something you thought was nice in the store like a belt will suffice because giving someone a belt for Christmas is kind of lame, but if they weren't expecting it, you will knock their socks off.

12. Borrow his car and fill it up with Gas

-Ok, I have never done this one and it just came to me but I am surely going to try it out! I can only imagine what I would think if someone did this for me. Major kudos! Again, don't say anything. If you tell them what you did and try to get praise for it, you have ruined the gift. Make sure that you have a legitimate reason to borrow the car so he doesn't suspect anything or else wait until the occasion arises spontaneously. If you think he is really so dense not to notice you could always leave a little note behind the gas tank door that reads "because I love you."

13. Online Photo Scrapbook

Compile all of your pictures together and go on one of the many internet scrapbook sites to make an album. Customize it with captions, inside jokes, quotes from that day etc. The more personal the better. Add your favorite song. Give him a card that is blank on the inside with just the link. Damn you're good.

14. Make him Dinner

Make sure you find out what he likes first and practice before you do it, especially if cooking is not your strong suit. Pay attention to the details. It's all in the details! The glasses, table setting, presentation are all important. You want to wow him not just feed him. You are showing effort and showing off your Suzie Homemaker Skillz. Do it up and do it big. Think linens and classy but in my opinion don't try to get all romantic. Candles kind of cheese it up in my opinion. You're going for classy restaurant atmosphere. If you want romance, you can always get close and share a dessert. Sharing is so sexy.

15. Use your talents

If you can sing, sing him a song. Choose lyrics that reflect your feelings for him. If you play an instrument, write him a personalized melody and tell him why it sounds the way it does or what it reminds you of. If you can draw, paint, sculpt, write calligraphy, craft or whatever else then make him something. It can be silly and ridiculous or elegant and functional. Whatever it is, it will show effort and remind him of you.


Hopefully by now you are noticing a trend. The key elements are surprise and customization. Have a mini brain storm session with a creative friend and write down all of his activities, hobbies, preferences and interests. You can easily use the list to come up with your own ideas. Your attitude should be to constantly try and out-do yourself. Don't repeat the same things over and over. Mix it up, keep it fresh and take my word for it, you will keep him impressed.

Red Flags

So technically this is a re-post from something I've had on my myspace blog but I thought I would move it over (with some tweaking) for a more complete compilation of my raves and theories. Let's hope I get fewer haterish comments on it this time around.

Red Flags

So all of us have been in that situation where we are on the first date/interview with a new person and find ourselves picking apart our date's every comment, move, outfit, manners, etc. Sometimes we notice little signals that might indicate a bigger problem or incompatibility. Sometimes we head these warnings and other times (usually if the person is really good looking), we do not. Don't make the mistake of letting a poor match into your life. One or two red flags might be areas that could be improved upon and of course, there are always going to be things that we don't like about a person, but more than a few or one of the dreaded Blag Flags and the fault becomes your own for ignoring the big flashing sign that blinks "Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here" to all who have eyes to see.

Red Flags - Major Warnings and What They are Really Flagging

1. He doesn't pay the check or asks you to pay half
-Let's take a realistic look at why men pay. Man and woman meet, man courts woman, man and woman get married, woman gets pregnant and can't work so man has to work and pay the bills. If the man is not willing to pay for a date after inviting you out, who is to say he is going to be generous when the woman is in the vulnerable and delicate position of pregnancy? How about staying home to care for young children? Ever heard of 7 months bed rest? It would suck and be dangerous to be stuck with a cheapskate. Feminists taking the opposite position better be ready to be broke. Do not overlook or make excuses for this red flag or you will be paying (literally) for it later.
2. You catch him looking at other women
This one is pretty obvious. Only the most quality of men are really going to avert their eyes even when you aren't around; however, all decent and well-mannered men know where their eyes should not go when they are out with a girl they are actually dating (even first dating). This is first and foremost a matter of respect and a guy that does not respect you in this most obvious way will not respect you in others. He is flagging some interior mental dispositions. Roaming eyes are telling you that he is still on the look-out for something better or that he may be more interested in the novelty of a new prospect, or that he sees women first as a visual object for him to delight in and then as a person. So if you want a selfish guy who will trade you in like a used car, ignore the wandering eye flag.
3. He makes self-defeating comments aka Low Self-Esteem Flag
This one might seem more like a turn off than a red flag, but those prone to pity beware, low self esteem is more dangerous than first meets the eye. In reality, low self esteem can be either of two things, false humility or a real lack of personal development. False humility, or maybe more commonly understood as "fishing for compliments" is vanity in disguise. The guy who degrades himself is not only asking you to cater to him emotionally, he also greedily redirects the conversation back on himself. He wants to hear someone praise him, soothe him, but men are not meant to be coddled like babies and a catch is going to be honest about his weaknesses without giving you puppy eyes for extensive commentary. Again, the red flag is really selfishness.
The second type is a pusillanimous weakling. If the man has no confidence he will not stick up for himself. If he will not stick up for himself, he will not stick up for you. Every girl has been in a position where she needed a man to protect her or stand up for her. He will put his own fear ahead of your well-being and regardless, 'God gave us not a spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control' (2 Tim 1:7). This cowardliness is selfishness in disguise. You may think this behavior only affects him, alas, it will come to affect you as well.
4. He is negative or complains about trivial annoyances
My first reaction to this guy is to tell him to grow up, until I remember that this condition can be found in a man of any age. Forget maturity, again, the red flag here is selfishness. This person sees only how the world is affecting them, how they feel, what bothers them. He is selfish 'par excellence' because he continually spits his verbal poison onto everyone around him without regard to how his complaining really gives people something to complain about. This also reveals that he is an overly sensitive person that cannot let small things go, which is an insight into how he handles bigger issues. You can almost always tell how people handle bigger issues by observing the way they handle smaller matters which is exactly why and how the red flag system works.

5. Immoderation, excessive behaviors, gluttony
This includes any behavior: eating, sleeping, video games, watching tv, drinking too much, swearing, spending time with friends, leisure activities (beach, personal hobbies etc.). The behavior says "I need a lot of me time" or "I am very important to myself." Of course, hobbies are never a bad thing; nevertheless, evaluate the situation if you see that a person legitimately spends way too much time doing any activity and know that there may be a time when he has to choose between you and it. At first, the person might prefer you over the excessive behavior. In time, and once the honeymoon phase is over, the new release of Halo 3 may mean you'll be getting more devotion from myspace creepers than your beloved gamer-nerd bf.

6. The ABCs of the Subtly Shady Guy
a) usually doesn't pick up his phone when you call him, he returns all your calls...especially if you try to get a hold of him at night
b) has his phone on vibrate so that it doesn't ring in front you, and his phone will never display who is calling him or he won't leave it out in plain sight
c) screens a lot of his calls, never mentions who is calling him, calls people back when you are not around
d) hangs out with friends all the time and never invites you (guys nights galore)
e) is "really" busy (when your intuition knows that he could make time for you but won't)
f) can be spotted by his cell phone etiquette in general
g) gives very general and otherwise obscure answers when you ask him specifics about where he was, who he was with, or where he is going to be
h) has a lot of sketchy friends <-- birds of a feather flock together i) does any type of drugs (drugs breed sketchiness and is its own red flag anyway)

j) knows a lot of girls who are "just friends" but has all their numbers in his cell phone

k) has skank-ho girls anywhere in his myspace or facebook friend list

l) uses oodles of terms of endearment before it is really appropriate (baby, sweety, honey) probably because he doesn't want to get your name mixed up with his other girlfriends

m) wants to meet you everywhere when he could easily pick you up

n) never invites you to his house

o) doesn't want to hang out with you before 9pm

p) hangs out with you only on weekends or only on weekdays (look for weird patterns that this guy is not looking to incorporate you into his life)

q) ever asks to borrow money. woah! 60 minutes here we come!

r) never mentions his past, shrouded in mystery

s) you call and leave a message, he texts. You write on his wall or leave a public comment, he will only write you a private message. His behavior should mirror yours, not try to take it down a notch.

t) won't friend you on a social networking site like facebook or myspace (or has multiple accounts). Cover up alert! or adds you but limits how much information you can see or blocks his wall

u) vague occupation description, maybe he doesn't even tell you the name of the company he works for

v) refuses to meet your family or friends

w) is probably listed on some online dating site and active. Make sure to check through chemistry.com yahoosingles.com and whatever else to see if they are creepin for prospects on the internet

x) has any kind of sketchy material pop up when you use his computer: backgrounds, screen savers. Trick: Ask if you can check your email on his computer. Open his internet explorer. Go to Google and slowly type in one letter at a time. P, S, or G are all good letters to start with. His recent searches will pop up and you can see what kind of dude you are dealing with.

y) avoids all buzz words and conversations regarding commitment, boyfriend/girlfriend, marriage, babies, engagement, etc. Even talking about your friend's recent engagement or an upcoming wedding will make the Subtly Shady guy squirm in his chair and quickly change the subject

z) this one is harder to spot but Shady guy will keep things from escalating. He will keep things smooth, even and never-changing....subtly. There is no development, no emotional crescendo. It's fun and smiles and games. You're not walking towards the finish line, you are stuck on a treadmill.

Be aware. Be weary. Then get out your scissors and cut these guys for their wack attempts to slither into the lives of the desperate, the optimistic and the ignorant.

Anatomy of a Creeper

Anatomy of a Creeper

The creeper comes in many forms and in all shapes and sizes. You may spot him as the obvious type who seems to see you as a tasty drumstick and practically licks his lips when approaching you. He may be camouflaged well in decent attire and with a deceptive set of pearly whites. Either way, ugly or attractive, fumbling or smooth, graying or barely legal, I will teach you how to spot a creeper. Whether you entertain and encourage or run and scream, I will leave to your judgment my friend.

Not Quite Right (wtf!?)

While the creeper is mainly differentiated by his attitude rather than his appearance, there are a few trends I have come to find are woven throughout this special kind. If you are keen enough to detect them from afar you can reposition yourself and a good defense is always more proactive than an offense on this battleground. However, there are two kinds and they disguise themselves differently. Be on the look-out for both. Firstly, let us examine the Type-A “trying-too-hard” creeper.

The creeper is always trying too hard. His shirt is a little too shiny, his man-accessories too gaudy, his obnoxious T-shirt has to make up for his obvious lack of skill as a conversationalist and he is just one more splash of Cool Water away from setting off your gag-reflex. Sometimes his age is inappropriate for the venue forcing him to disguise himself in expensive designer jeans and a cowboy-style button down from Metropark to shave off a few years. Maybe you have seen a show on VH1 called the pick-up Artist where the “artist” of the show wears a beanie with goggles to the bar or gobs of guyliner. If he stands out too much from the crowd because of anything other than his stellar good looks, let your intuition guide you into a far-away booth and barricade yourself in with many large impassable chairs.

Then there are the Type-B creepies and they can be just a little harder to spot because they fly under the radar. They may come off as simply an unattractive space-filler, but do not be underestimate them! Unfortunately, their strength is in numbers because there are many more of this kind skulking in every bar in every continent. Type-B does not try at all. He neglects his appearance and arrives at a somewhat upscale venue with unkempt hair and wrinkly clothes. Once my friend and I ran into a particularly exemplary model of the Type-B at Mutt’s in Newport Beach. He worked for a local surf company so that was his excuse for a complete lack of outfit effort. His large curly fro could have been a perfect nesting ground for several species of nocturnal creatures and check this, the guy had easily not brushed his teeth in weeks. Talking to him was like having a dumpster unleashed in your face. So think about it, this kind has no respect for himself and he will have none for you. His lack of etiquette shines forth as a bright beacon from his inner creep. If a man has not figured out that decent grooming is part of normal acceptable human behavior by the time he is in his 20s, he will clearly not have developed enough social intelligence to approach you in any way which is less offensive than his noxious body odor. In sad conclusion to my tragic story, my friend gave her number to the Type-B “par excellence” as a business contact (big mistake) and he proceeded to text-stalk her for months on end, even after she told him she had a boyfriend and was completely uninterested. Take a hint girls: if he looks like his mom dressed him she probably did. Don’t get sucked into the pity trap of this unassuming species because like all the rest, he will creep on you.

The Creeper Keeps Creepin’ (persistence)

“Never give up” is his motto and sometimes, “no means yes.” The creeper keeps creepin. He comes at you from all angles, seems to surround you. You rebuff him with eye rolling and harsh remarks, the subtle body language he pretends not to understand, but he regroups and returns full-force or sometimes with reinforcements. You may think that excusing yourself to the bathroom or whipping out your phone to send some unnecessary text messages will dissuade him; it will not. This Houdini will be right around the corner everywhere you go all night, materializing out of nowhere to pull out some new shenanigans from his bag of tricks. He may be rich or poor, creepier usually if rich, but any man who does not have the decency to know when his attention is unwanted is a creeper. Rejection will, if anything, energize el creepo to come up with even more creative strategies to lock you into pathetic conversation with him, even sometimes resorting to rudeness and crassness if it will keep your attention focused on him. As confirmation, if you are able to shake him, you will see the cycle repeating on some other poor victim quickly. He will waste no time. The creeper keeps on creepin.

It’s All in the Eyes (greed)

The eyes are the window of the soul and a creeper can be most readily identified by his beady eyes. They betray his internal desperation because they stare wantonly at you. He is sizing you up, poring over every place your dress is pulled tight when he thinks you do not see him. Of course, you can feel his gaze like hot coals on your back. His gutter-clouded thoughts are quickly evinced when he derails pleasant prattle with a sudden burst of sexual innuendo. From the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks and his heart is full of guile and the twisted labyrinth from whence this rat-eyed specimen came.


The Hungry Hungry Hippo (lust)

Simply put the creeper makes you feel more like a meal than a woman. Visualize the foam coming from his mouth as he walks up to you and you will understand what I mean. This hunger blinds and renders him incapable of any kind of meaningful conversation. He is too distracted by the gnawing hunger of lust to remember that you are a person. His thoughts continually go forth to you and then return to himself and how you can best serve his purposes. This will also cause him to think in the short term. He will invite you to a shady after-party rather than wait to take you on a respectable date. The creeper has no self-control, thus waiting is not his strong suit. The Hungry Hippo syndrome will also fuel his other unattractive qualities like his over-eagerness and willingness to throw away obscene amounts of money on alcohol to lure in potential dishes.


This piece is not meant to understand the creeper not do I pretend to dole out strategies on how to deal with him. Those will have to come another day. The creeper should not be confused with “the drunk” or “the douche” as those subjects will be treated in future posts. Do you have a great story about a creeper or questions about them? Send your questions for a little Q and A session on my follow-up.

TUI - Texting Under the Influence

Woot Woot! Pull over!

I thought I would kick off the old blog with some simple thoughts and even simpler advice.

I have a little relationship problem. No, it is not stalking a guy's ex-girlfriends or snooping on their cell phones. I don't hack their emails or search their bedrooms. I don't even check up on them or send copious amounts of e-correspondence. I do however deserve a serious citation for a little gaffe that gets the best of me from time to time. Somebody handcuff me after a couple of drinks because if I am within 10 minutes driving of ex-boyfriend, my sneaky little fingers will get the itch and I will again be guilty of a most sticky offense...the T.U.I.

Now you may not think that "texting under the influence" is such a big deal. Let me relate a little story to you of a classic example of how this gets me in trou-ble. I was out at a bar with my brother Dean, his wife and my neighbor. Things are chill. I mean come on, I am with my brother, what kind of trouble could I possibly get into? Well, sure enough drink number 3 hits me and I start to get that itchy finger feeling. The cell phone is glowing red hot in my purse. I pick it up and uh-oh- that first little, "what are you doing tonight" message practically springs off my fingertips and the wheels begin to turn.

Please keep in mind that I have most solemnly declared to myself that there will be no calling of exs, no more sticky friendships with guys that always end up wanting more. All of my good resolutions come to naught, courtesy of unlimited texting fom AT&T. Within 3 exchanges, I am sitting at the back of the bar chatting with two seemingly friendly and pretty cute dudes when I get another text. This time it is from my brother. "Ben is here," it says. (names have been changed). "Oh crap" I think to myself, "I did it again."

Now I've got my "friend" Ben there and he's asking all kinds of questions, like "who is this guy?" meaning my neighbor. Of course, he has not come to hang out with his friend the Hamp. No no, not only has he come here with less than stellar intentions, but now I have to smooth out the tensions, explain the situation to my over-protective brother and his over-curious wife AND ditch the two dudes from the back of the bar. Good gracious. A minute in the life of the Hamp.

Fast forward about two weeks after I SWORE to myself that I would go to TA, Texters Anonymous. (We realize that we have no power over text messaging and give our lives to the responsible use and not abuse of cell phones.) I'm at lunch with an ex when the texting conversation comes up again! I was being officially chastised for late night texts that "gave him hope that I still like him." Nope, sorry dude, you were just another victim of TUI and I was yes, within a 5 mile proximity of your house. Anyways, I promised to knock it off. So dangit, TUI - 2, The Hamp - 0.

There are so many excuses that run through a text-ahols mind before that first nefarious little slip. "I just want to see what he's up to" is one of my biggest culprits. How about, "it will be more fun here with more people" or "I just want to hang out." These sneaky thoughts get me into more drama than you can imagine. Sometimes you get out with just a bullet graze, messages from the ex about how much they still miss you and how you are still frequenting their dreams. Then there are the full blown Gossip Girl episodes where they show up at your doorstep in the middle of the night "Say Anything" style with a boombox and a one-man tent.

Moral of the story folks.

Friends don't let friends, text while intoxicated.

P.S. Damn you Qwerty keyboard! Damn You!